It is 2AM and I am still up after a jag of pinterest. Being back on nights has returned me to the old familiar manic state of not only NOT sleeping at night but not sleeping at all. I think I slept a few hours yesterday but I couldn't swear to it. Mr. Moon is full and bright outside my window, occasionally hiding behind the clouds and he keeps reminding me that now that I am back in the ER, full moons mean something to me once again. I remember the relief I felt when I saw the first full moon after I left ER. Sigh, that didn't last long, did it?
I love being off four days a week! I hate working in the ER! The physical pace, the emotional toll, the lack of sleep, the constant demand to "do more, more, more!" wears me down. But I made the decision to change positions so I try to enjoy my days off to the fullest although my mind is always stalked by the reminder that I have to go back. After tomorrow I work five days out of six, 60 grueling hours of drug seeking piddly m-f-ers, some really sick people that deserve more attention than I can give them, and everything in between. Top that off with lack of sleep and lots of driving and wow, I can hardly wait! I know I'm blessed to have a job that pays well and I appreciate that very much. My only professional wish is to have a job I love but I'm not sure that exists in nursing. Can you say burnout? Twenty-six years and counting...maybe I can retire by 80!
Precious Tobey went home yesterday! The entire Jones family is resting under one roof on Ellis Street in Martin, Tennessee right now and that is the most wonderful answered prayer of all! This past week still seems surreal and almost as if it didn't happen. The ups and downs, the fears and concerns, the uncertainty of the future all combined to make one difficult journey for us all. We had the pleasure of seeing Tobey almost every day and I miss her and Miranda and Corey so much but again I am thrilled beyond words that they are all home where they belong. We spent time with Lexie and Harper also and had the best time! We cooked homemade waffles, worked in the flowers and vegetables, went to the movies and ate lots of bacon and Cheetos! Oh my gosh, we had a ball!! Tobey is one strong little girl and God has blessed us with the most delightful children and grandchildren. Thank You, Father, for the gift of love you are sharing with us. We are eternally grateful!
My friend from the Hartford days died last Friday and that made me very sad. I remember the first time I met Sandy. Mom and I had just moved to Ohio County and Sandy's mom, Joanne, brought her over to play with me. We had never met them and it was quite quite a surprise but later when I got to know Joanne I realized it was pure neighborly hospitality to her. I was always welcome in their home and spent lots of time there from 4th grade through my high school years.
Sandy and I grew up together in small town America in the 70's. Our friendship began when we were little and innocent, when you could run all over town with no fear. We went to church together, we went to Girl Scouts together, we both loved to go to the swimming pool, we went to the same school, we went to the library, the skating rink, the Dairy Queen, the Ben Franklin store, to Spinks drug store for cherry cokes at the soda counter in the back. Our lives were intertwined as we grew up and when we hit adolescence, well, that was no different. By the time we were teens, spending the night with Sandy meant climbing out her window at night and walking to Beaver Dam so she could see Kenny Stacy. We would skip church and go downtown to hang around. We wrote each other pages and pages of letters, pouring our teenaged angst out to each other and talked on the phone for hours about music, and boys, and life. We were wild and often uncontrollable but it was the 70's and everything was changing. We wanted to be a part of that change and we lived life as if we were invincible.
Somewhere in high school Sandy and I drifted apart. I saw her once when Miranda was little and I remember thinking how sad Sandy seemed. I had heard she'd been to California but was home in Hartford now so I went to see her. She was living in a small trailer and had a little boy but she seemed uncertain of what the future held for her. I never saw her after that but heard over the years of her pain and difficulties and even heard she died several years ago.
A few months ago another friend from those days told me Sandy had cancer and it had spread all over her body and she was living in her parent's house in Hartford. We planned to go visit her but it never worked out. Tracy and I drove by her house a few weeks ago but we didn't stop because there were several cars there and people outside that I didn't recognize. Then I saw the news that Sandy died last week. It made me very sad as the memories of our friendship washed over me. Her senior picture was used in her obituary and I stared at her, that bright, beautiful smile shining at me. I don't know what life dealt Sandy but I hope she is in God's presence now and reunited with her Dad and Joanne and her sister Pam, who died several years ago. My memories of her are sweet and loving, and I hope I see her again someday.
Life is strange. It can change completely in a matter of minutes or days. From health to sickness and back to health again or in some cases, to death and all that encompasses. Many of my Ohio County classmates are gone, others of us live on. When we were young it seemed we would live forever or might die before we were 20, and both were true. I am glad to be alive and glad to serve a King Who made a way for me where there was none. I pray we all live to love Him with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength until He returns and makes this world right forever.
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