Sooooo...you know what that means, blog followers, I must pour it all out here so I can clear my head and try to make sense of all the clamoring in my brain. Lucky you, dear reader lol. I am sure there might be two or three of you and suggestions are welcome!
Last Saturday I was injured on the job. If you notice many errors in this post, I apologize, but my right hand is injured and I am using my left index finger to type. The metal narcotic box lid dropped down on my right hand last weekend and that is not a good thing if you are on a blood thinner, which I am. I believe the impact burst a few blood vessels in my hand and by the end of my shift my hand was swollen, bruised, and throbbing like crazy. Now it would have been nice to have been able to go home when I injured it, and ice and elevate my hand, but as always in healthcare there is no one to come in to work and my silly determination not to put my coworkers in a bind left me trying to work despite my injury. If I had known where all this was leading I would have certainly left as soon as it occurred.
So I tell my nursing supervisor what happened and after pages of paperwork and the drug testing I am informed I must go to Baptist Hospital in downtown Nashville in order to be covered by worker's comp. Okaaaay...Tracy comes and picks me up after my shift is over (I can't drive because my hand is too swollen and painful by now) and we go to Baptist where I fully expect to spend the night waiting. But surprise, they were very efficient and I was in and out in 2 hours. A side to this part of the story is my conflicting feelings about being in an ER and now working in a nursing home. Oh my gosh I felt compelled to tell them I had been an ER nurse for years but I didn't. Yes, I'm a nursing snob and I have issues and these feelings are a part of the much larger conflicts I face but more on that later.
The Xray of my hand was negative for fractures (I really didn't think it was broken but had to be sure) and the ER doctor said I had a severe contusion (bruise) and that I needed to rest, ice and elevate my hand and in time the blood would reabsorb and the pain and swelling would decrease. He put me off work completely for three days and "light duty with no use of my right hand" until December 5th. Hmmmmm what can you do and not use your right hand??? Well according to Bethany that would be...fold washcloths for $7.50/hour. So I report to laundry for my next three workdays and fold washcloths. I work 12-hour shifts so that is a lot of washcloth folding. I hope I don't develop bursitis in my left arm.
Please don't misunderstand me, I am not too good to fold washcloths, or wash clothes, or wipe butts or clean vomit or any of the million awful tasks I have done in 26 years of nursing and I have NO arrogant attitude at all. But I am an RN and one would think there was something I could do in the facility that was more in line with my skills and experience. And something that paid better than laundry's minimum wage because I can't pay my bills or have any kind of Christmas after suffering this financial blow. No it's nothing long-lasting, just for five or six days, but enough to knock me back down for awhile.
I cried all day Tuesday when I was informed of my fate. Just the thought of it was overwhelming! No one has called to check on me, I have to work in laundry at reduced wages, I was injured at work but I am being punished and penalized in every way.
So I started thinking about getting a new job. I can't go without insurance but travel nursing starts insurance on day one with no waiting period...hmmmmm. So I check my old travel agency's website and they have an ER opening in Smyrna TN!!!! Well that is only 4 miles further than Bethany from my house and oh my gosh, surely this is meant to be!! But oh yeah it is ER and nights and that's why I left Bethany, isn't it? Aaaaaargh!!
So I have been sorting through all my manic thoughts and trying to come to some conclusions. Yes I left ER because it was physically and emotionally draining and night shift was really hard on my body. And I went to Bethany for day shift and a change of pace. But I must admit I have been terribly depressed as the days go by at Bethany. It's been over 3 months since I started an IV. I have been involved in two codes and felt like my experience and skills were pointless as I stood by waiting for an ambulance to arrive and take the resident to the hospital ER to do the things I used to do. I tell myself that elderly nursing home residents deserve nurses with highly developed skills and loads of experience. But every day I become less and less a skilled, experienced nurse and more and more of the nursing home kind.
And what about all that talk of professionalism and bringing more RNs to Bethany to improve the level of care and elevate the reputation of the facility. Laugh out loud (spelled out for emphasis) The management staff who interviewed me wondered out loud why they couldn't recruit and retain more RNs from the hospital setting. Well, let's think about that. Most hospitals have a blood pressure cuff in every room. Bethany has two full-service machines (temp, B/P and pulse ox on one piece of equipment) on the entire second floor serving 60-70 residents. Sometimes 12-15 of my residents need one or two blood pressures during my shift and I have to track down a machine, take the blood pressure and hope the machine isn't swiped by another nurse when I turn my back. I asked for more machines about a month ago and was promised they would be ordered...still waiting. And what about this narcotic box lid? Do you know how many nurses said they'd had the same thing happen to them in the past? MANY! Only difference? They weren't on a blood thinner. Obviously the lid is a hazard that is perpetual and I bet nothing has been done to secure or improve them since I was injured. I will let you know when I'm returned to nursing from my temporary laundry assignment.
So I am working through all these emotions and concerns and basically grieving the loss of my skills and then I get injured on the job. After I was seen at the hospital for my injury, I returned to Bethany with all my paperwork and was told by the night supervisor in a sarcastic, sing-songy, laughing manner that I was headed to laundry at minimum wage. I just couldn't believe it! But she was right as I was informed on Monday to report to laundry on Saturday.
So I have spent my day on the phone to travel companies, working on my resume, contacting potential references (AGAIN! Didn't I just change jobs???) and trying to sort through the pros and cons of all my options. Tomorrow I start paying $500/month for shitty (sorry Mom) insurance at Bethany. Travel nurse insurance is even worse but much cheaper. But I've almost decided it doesn't matter because The Medical Center insurance has denied my hospital claims with my heart attack because it was "pre-existing". Hmmmm never had heart trouble in my life but they denied it stating I had hypertension previously and told me that was why they denied the claim. I appealed and got my answer today...I owe Carle in Urbana around $63,000 and I owe The Medical Center over $11,000. Plus all the doctors and various tests and Xrays and EKGs so I owe nearly $100,000 and I HAD INSURANCE!!! Or not, whatever.
Song of Solomon says, "Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines..." and that is how I feel. I am not starving to death, I don't live in van down by the river, I am not dying of cancer or a terrible disease, I can walk, and talk, and think, and see and hear, I have a good paying, due to my education I have always had a secure job and income, I have a wonderful family, I'm not outside in the freezing temperatures, I have heat and warm blankets, I have access to clean, fresh water and I took a shower today and most importantly I am saved by Jesus, God in the flesh, and my future is secure in His hands and plans.
But the little foxes may drive me to drink, swear and take up smoking again! The last year has been nearly overwhelming and now I report to laundry on Saturday. I am tired, uncertain, and confused by much of it. Posting about it all really changes nothing but it makes me feel better somehow. Thanks for listening and prayers, please and thank you :)
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